Tremble

Understanding Flutterby

“When you come close … I just tremble”
Paloma Faith ~ Only Love Can Hurt Like This

~

Bedtime beckoned, we’d said our goodbye’s, but an ache still gnawed, bubbling restlessness beneath.

I was going to text Him and ask,
‘Please Sir, may I……?’,
A first.
I’d never done that before.

My fingers hovered over the buttons,
typing,
deleting,
typing,
deleting….

Because….
because what if…?

What if He said No, permission denied?
would He have understood what I was asking for?
Even worse,
what if He said Yes, and permission was granted?
Yes….
That would have been much worse.

Reason.
It wasn’t permission I wanted, not permission that was being sought.

~

My mind is not my own today.
It’s flooded by thoughts of need and want, begging and denial, by being taken, owned, subjugated, used.
Deny me, deny me everything.

My mind is blown, and all it took was…

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Just some words...
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